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its one big train wreck..

Well my plans are killed for the next while.  Being as my on/off again partners daughter has come home from a friends house with lice and the house has to be torn apart cleaned and put back together.
You'd think at 18 she'd know not to share hats. brushes especially after she just ended a co-op placement where she ended up with lice like every bloody 2 wks.

So by default our plans get killed because they have to deal with the daughter.  I'm okay with that because honestly the way we became "we" again was not planned but more of a bulldozed effect.  By bulldozed I mean Me. I completely did not realize he was taking things in the context he was until suddenly he announced publically we were "we" and i was all AH fuck!

I mean really, what could I do about it then when everyone's all dancing around happy again. fuck fuck fuck.

I figure I'd let it play out a little maybe i'd be pleasantly surprized.
So far, nope not, but its been nothing earth shattering either.

He knows theirs regret on my part about us ending up in the "we" category again we discussed it last night. He didn't ask why and I didn't tell him.
I didn't tell him that I've had it for months - in a way I can not explain. The only time I didn't was when I had walked away. But that was then I missed  him greatly and wished I could just talk to him.

I know what it is, and its why I know that this will never work.

He's in love with me, but to me he's my best friend and I can not make it more then that regardless of how hard I try.

Not a good situation to be in at all.

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March 2010